Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond Is

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond Is

Dear Gizmodo Australia Readers. I have a confession. I have never seen a single James Bond film. I know absolutely nothing about the franchise other than that they’re all on Stan (aka I have no excuse for not having seen them) and that there is approximately 500 of these films — a lesson I learned from my time at JB Hi-Fi.

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I think he’s a spy? A secret agent? Does he work for the government? Is he a bad guy? Good guy? I have no bloody idea.

But rather than watching the films, I thought I would take it upon myself to rank every James Bond film based on nothing other than how hot the lead character is.

For the purpose of this experiment, I am using pictures chosen by Gizmodo Editor Tegan Jones.

Wish me luck!

[Editor’s Note: I’m so sorry for what I’ve done you Lavender and you, the readers]

Ranking Every James Bond Film From Hot To Not

Tomorrow Never Dies – 1997 – Pierce Brosnan

Mamma Mia!

GoldenEye – 1995 – Pierce Brosnan

Mamma Mia! Here we go again!

Live And Let Die – 1973 – Roger Moore

I’m not sure if I just have a kink for a man in a black turtleneck because I wear a lot of black turtlenecks and I’m a giant narcissist but this man is DOING! THINGS! FOR! ME!

Dr. No – 1962 – Sean Connery

Looks like a rich white man who probably owns a yacht, which means I could live my yacht housewife dreams.

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The Spy Who Loved Me – 1977 – Roger Moore

I JUST realised Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me is a pun about this movie and I feel very dumb. Also this man is very stylish and I’m feeling it. We love a man in flares.

The World Is Not Enough – 1999 – Pierce Brosnan

This is SO 1999, but he’s rocking the glasses. Big fan. I think I’m in love with Pierce Brosnan.

Die Another Day – 2002 – Pierce Brosnan

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! An electric razor.

Thunderball – 1965 – Sean Connery

Big fan of this scuba vibe. He looks hot but also this looks like the last picture that was taken before he was eaten by a shark.

The Man with the Golden Gun – 1974 – Roger Moore

My anaconda don’t want none unless you got tiny little guns, hun.

Moonraker – 1979 – Roger Moore

This movie predicted the billionaire space race.

The Living Daylights – 1987 – Timothy Dalton

Looks like a douchey private school man, can’t tell if he’s hot or I want to punch him.

License To Kill – 1987 – Timothy Dalton

Private school boy goes to Byron Bay for schoolies and has a really big night.

Casino Royale – 2006 – Daniel Craig

I know I’m meant to be horny for Daniel Craig but he just doesn’t do anything for me here.

Quantum Of Solace – 2008 – Daniel Craig

I feel NOTHING for him.

Skyfall – 2012 – Daniel Craig

He actually kinda looks scary here.

Spectre – 2015 – Daniel Craig

You cannot tell me this movie isn’t about a Russian supervillain and his hot wife committing crimes and hiding out in the Swiss Alps.

Diamonds Are Forever – 1971 – Sean Connery

Dad bod vibes. Make of that what you will.

For Your Eyes Only – 1981 – Roger Moore

I’ve been trying to comment on this photo but I just feel precisely nothing for this.

Goldfinger – 1964 – Sean Connery

Looks like a creepy waiter that might murder me on my way home.

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Never Say Never Again – 1983 – Sean Connery

Brows on point but also vaguely reminds me of my grandfather which feels weird.

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On Her Majesty’s Secret Service – 1969 – George Lazenby

Not a fan but the cravat gives me Matt Preston vibes, so points for trying.

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No Time To Die – 2021 – Daniel Craig

More like somebody please find time to kill me.

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Octopussy – 1983 – Roger Moore

Only fell below Daniel Craig because I hate clowns.

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You Only Live Twice –  1967 – Sean Connery

Sorry but is this Mr Bean?

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Casino Royal – 1967 – David Niven

Gives me reaaaal ivory hunter vibes. I’m not an elephant but I feel like he’d cut my tusks off and sell it for millions.

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From Russia with Love – 1963 – Sean Connery

Looks like a robot that would rip me limb from limb. I am scared. It’s a no from me.

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A View To Kill – 1985 – Roger Moore

This is my sleep paralysis demon.

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You can watch all 10,000 James Bond films over on Stan.