Over the first week of March, boat lovers took to the Dubai International Boat Show to check out, and show off, some pretty darn cool boats. I’d like to imagine it’s like a car show, but… with sea cars (otherwise known as boats).
What’s there to say? I could follow this above line with a write-up of all the boats being shown off and which ones have the best and most exciting tech in them, or which ones are the biggest or most expensive, but Gizmodo Australia’s beloved reader base deserves better than that.
The region’s biggest marine and lifestyle event has come to an end! Thank you to all who attended, see you in the next season of #DubaiInternationalBoatShow!
📍Dubai Harbour#DIBS23 #DubaiHarbour #MarineLuxury #Yacht #UAE pic.twitter.com/aP7ikmOrSC— Dubai Boat Show (@DubaiBoat) March 5, 2023
Our team’s not made up of boat enthusiasts, but we do know you all love a big boat. So, for scientific purposes, and to get to answer age-old questions put forward by games like Grand Theft Auto V, Sea of Theives and Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag (plus all the other Assassin’s Creed games with boats), I’m going to rank the boats of the Dubai International Boat Show by how much fun they would be to crash into a coastline.
This article is where I earn my Walkley.
Aeolus
Rummaging through the boats shown off at the show, the Aeolus is easily the most eye-catching. It’s a gigantic superyacht with a design unlike anything I’ve ever seen.
The Aeolus is designed “with evolving perspectives on the environment as well as lifestyle” according to the media release, a confusing line as I’ve ever read one considering that superyachts are massively damaging for the environment.
Regardless, it’s a pretty hot boat. It’s sci-fi in a Mass Effect meets Cyberpunk 2077 kind of way, or it’s the kind of thing you’d see off the coast of Ilios in Overwatch. It’s layered with several observation decks, and is 131 meters long. There’s also helipad on the bow.
How much fun would it be to run into a wharf? Pretty goddamn fun, I’m guessing, with so many places aboard to watch. It gets first place on our list.
Majesty 111
Unveiled at the boat show, the Majesty 111 is much smaller than the Aeolus (34 metres long) but still not a small boat at all. It’s got quite a nice glass observation deck on its sides, with great big social spaces on the top and the middle.
The boat was designed with a focus on private use and chartering, with space for up to 12 guests in its six staterooms.
With that many people aboard, running this ship aground could be quite a social activity. Let’s all take turns pushing the buttons and see what happens.
Soaring
The 68-metre-long Soaring was one of the stars of the Dubai International Boat Show, although compared to the Majesty 111 and the Aeolus, it has the most conventional design – the kind that you may think of when thinking of a ‘superyacht’.
But that’s not to say it’s boring. With four floors and some beautiful indoor areas (as shown in the video below), the Soaring could accommodate up to 12 guests. It also comes with a library and a spacious-looking sofa area.
Originally released in 2020 (for €88 million, or around $140 million in Australian terms), the Soaring is actually available to prospective boat buyers now. If you can afford this boat, do consider – could I run it into a beach in a cool and spectacular way?
I reckon you could. Its hull could look quite spectacular splitting in half as it rams into a coastline.
Fly 68
This is the smallest boat on our list, measuring at 68 feet or 20 metres. That being said, the Fly 68 (one short of 69, which would have made it nice) is quite beautiful, with an open-space design and a two-tone exterior.
This is the kind of boat that I would use to escape my worldly tethers. Screw the boats above that accommodate up to 12 guests, all I need is the Fly 68 and a rocking 5G internet connection to play Fortnite on the water. It can fit up to five people.
I am of course being fanciful. I could never afford this thing.
The boat was made available in 2022, with a price of $US3.9 million, making it a comfortable (almost) $6 million for an Australian superyacht enthusiast.
Being smaller than the other boats on this list, the Fly 68 is likely more nimble as well, which means you could do some pretty sick swerves before running it through a port at high speed. Full speed ahead.
Whatever this gross crypto boat is called
Throwing a curveball for our final boat on the list, everybody’s favourite legitimate business Bored Ape Yacht Club had an appearance at the Dubai International Boat Show, where it threw a party. True to the name, I suppose.
It looks like the party was exclusive to NFT holders, mostly BAYC and MAYC owners, a group of people that I’m sure enjoyed spending the moment with other crypto enthusiasts. I consider it to be my own personal hell.
Complete with DJs, NFT artwork, BAYC masks and VR displays, it looks like it was just a rich people party – not much to do with web 3.
I didn’t catch the name of whatever the boat is below, but I would happily run it aground.
Big thank you to @punkapeproject for having me be involved in the day and letting me paint live 🚀 pic.twitter.com/BEEu33mouZ
— Artist John Charles (@Artjohncharles) March 5, 2023
And that brings us to the end of our list. Hopefully I’ve convinced boat makers to include a ‘crash fun score’ as part of the sales pitch going forward.
Tune in next week, when I’ll be rating the cars of Formula 1 Bahrain by how much sensory overload their colour schemes give me.
This article was mostly a joke, of course. I don’t really want to crash your boats (and I probably won’t write that Formula 1 thing).