Tesla Releases Baby Cybertrucks for Your Little Doomsday Prepper

Tesla Releases Baby Cybertrucks for Your Little Doomsday Prepper

Was your little one disappointed they couldn’t get their own bulletproof, $US100,000, Cybertruck? Well, fear not. Tesla released the Cybertruck for Kids on Thursday, shortly after the release of its grown-up version. Your dystopian, conspiracy-spreading, Elon Musk-loving child will love their little Cybertruck.

For just $US1,500, you can drive one of these bad boys home—that’s 18,000 Dogecoin if you’ve turned your back on the fed. Cybertruck for Kids can accommodate children up to 150 lbs and can drive 12 miles on a single charge at speeds up to 10mph. It’s unclear if children will face the $US50,000 legal penalty if they resell their mini Cybertruck like Elon Musk threatened against adult Cybertruck owners. Cybertruck for Kids was released shortly after Tesla’s first adult models were delivered, and they’re meant for Elon Musk fans between the ages of 6 and 12.

If your little dissenter doesn’t like their Cybertruck, Tesla will not give your child a full refund, there’s a 20% restocking fee. But your kid will understand, they love Elon! They know the owner of X is the greatest businessman in the world after all, and a very smart businessman would never offer full refunds on a product marketed to children. He needs that money for Mars.

It’s unclear if Cybertruck for Kids has a bulletproof body, but it does come with LED headlights and tail lights, as well as a 500-watt motor. Tesla does not recommend your child throw a steel ball through the window of their Cybertruck, as the grown adult and Tesla lead designer Franz von Holzhausen did in 2019. A harmless bouncy ball is a much more fun option to throw at your Cybertruck, as Halzhausen did at Tesla’s delivery event Thursday for some reason.

The vehicles are currently sold out, so you’ll have to join a waitlist. However, Cybertruck for Kids will actually ship in December 2023, before any of the real Cybertruck models. The $US1,500 price tag may seem expensive for a children’s gift (nerf football: $US12), but Tesla is not shy of skimping on price. Consider the real Cybertruck, which was advertised as costing $US39,900 in 2019, but now actually costs $US61,000 for the base model.

The little Cybertruck can fit one 8-year-old anarchist and their one free-speech-absolutist friend. If your children hates advertisers as much as Elon Musk, that’s great because there’s no radio in the Cybertruck for Kids. This holiday season, your kid can drive around your suburban neighborhood in a little Cybertruck screaming, “Go f–k yourself, Bob Iger!” just like their idol, Elon Musk.

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