All images: Alex Cranz/Gizmodo
Sex saddles are the Hells Angels of the sex toy world. Sure, everyone’s heard of them — you’ve maybe even watched a gripping documentary about them on. That said, not many of us have ever had direct contact with one. I had no idea that when I finally did get a hold of a sex saddle it would be less about orgasms and more about accidentally discovering the perfect cat toy.
When Motorbunny reached out to me about reviewing their eponymous rideable sex toy, I was intrigued but concerned. The Motorbunny ($US899) is the slightly more affordable answer to the well known Sybian sex machine ($US1345). It boasts an impressive motor for vibration that, according to Motorbunny claims, cranks out 0.08 horsepower (roughly 7,000 vibrations per minute), and comes with assorted attachments in its starter kit.
But there are a couple of concerns I had with inviting a motorised sex saddle into one’s home. First: There’s the room. I live in an average sized apartment in Brooklyn. I don’t have space for a kitchen table, let alone a place to store a one foot-by-two feet and 9kg rideable sex toy, and the many different penile-shaped attachments included for my vaginal amusement. If I’m going to invest in a sex toy that is roughly the size of an ottoman it better provide me with the best orgasms imaginable.
Second: My super is responsible for bringing out trash to the curb, including any large, clearly marked, sex saddle boxes. While I am 100-per cent sex positive, I don’t exactly relish the thought of making small talk with a man who has clearly visualized what I look like having an orgasm on a sex toy seen almost exclusively in porn. I could blame it on someone else in the building, but that just seems cruel.
There are anchors on both side in the event you need to…anchor it to something.
But I also review sex toys for a living. So the Motorbunny came home with me.
After I unboxed it, I placed the toy itself onto the “bunny rest” included with the starter kit. It’s little more than some wood shaped like a stool, and wrapped in pleather. The Motorbunny is meant to go on the ground (or a mattress), so the bunny rest gives it a little height additional height.
I plugged in, and without hesitating, in the spirit of Spinal Tap, I cranked it to 11. My roommate stared on, aghast and charmed. “You cannot try this when I am home,” she finally whispered. My roommate isn’t a prude; she would just rather not know when I have mounted what is essentially a car engine and am taken to the highway of sheer, sexual bliss. And who can fault her for it?
People you thought cared for your well being will have the urge to crank it to eleven. DO NOT LET THEM.
The Motorbunny is loud. If you want low-profile sex toys, this ain’t for you. The Motorbunny may have a cute name, but it’s essentially Stephen King’s Christine. Its enormous engine is crying out for your nethers, its hunger for evil slaked only by your death via orgasm.
It doesn’t matter if you prefer vaginal, anal, or clitoral stimulation: the Motorbunny is coming for you. There are realistic (though all white) attachments of varying textures that you can use. Most are designed for penetration, though there are a few that are clearly meant for getting your grind on if you have no quarrel with Satan and wish to ride his monster.
I did not find it easy to use.
Many of the included attachments have additional nubbins on them for stimulation. You might find yourself quickly overstimulated.
Even on the lowest setting I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was trying to jackhammer my clitoris off of my body. Initially the dildo attachments didn’t do it for me either. It was like a dog wagging his tail but inside of me. I have no doubt that I will master this beast, but it’s going to take time and I’m going to have ease off the power. Maybe they will make a movie about me. Maybe that movie will be called “The Sex Saddle Whisperer.” Maybe Robert Redford will play me.
I read that many couples enjoy using the toy for partnered play, but with no partner in sight at the time of review I was left to improvise. I took one of my cat’s favourite toys (a stick with a string on it, a mouse tied to the end, because he’s a cliche) inserted it into the hole designed for attachments and set it on low. I could immediately see the heart emojis fill my cat’s eyes as he chased and batted at his mouse. The Motorbunny had found its purpose in my home. Even the dog got in on the act, using the Motorbunny as a headrest while sitting in a nearby chair.
Attachments come in all sizes.
If you’re a kinky person who enjoys extremely vigorous stimulation, the Motorbunny could potentially make for stellar partnered play. I don’t know that it does, because all of my sexual partners ran screaming from the room at the sight of the thing. If you require a significant amount of stimulation to achieve climax, it can certainly help you get there. That said, female orgasm is unique to the female having them. Blasting your bits with what is essentially a car engine will not be what does it for every woman. If you require jackhammering so serious in the bedroom that you give your partners construction helmets upon entering your bedroom, go get one! However, if you are looking for affordable cat toys, you can probably do better at PetSmart.
README
- High-intensity rideable sex toy for men and women
- Great for partner play — unless your partner likes to crank it to 11 every time they’re given a dial.
- Possibly possessed by demons.
SPEC DUMP
Multiple attachments included • Supports up to 1000 pounds • Powered by AC Adaptor • 0.08HP Vibration Motor • 0.04HP Rotation Motor • 8kg • 10 x 13.24 x 30cm