Normally, when I come up with car names, my goal is to try and find the worst possible names, like the Mushler Groincat, but this time, for some inexplicable reason, I decided I want to really try. I’m tired of made up names that sound like sleep-aid medications or the interminable strings of alphanumeric names. I’m sure there’s still good, powerful, memorable, and evocative car names out there, so here’s my list, available to any carmaker with the wherewithal and howwithal to make these names happen.
Each name has a general type of car I think it’d be best for, so I’ll include a bit of explanation for each one. Carmakers, please, no fighting over names. Try and be adults about this.
1. Sasquatch
This seems a perfect name for a big SUV. Skoda came close with their Yeti, but I think the beloved and mysterious formal name of Bigfoot deserves some love. Who wouldn’t want to tell everyone that, yeah, that ‘Squatch out front parked in the flower garden is theirs?
2. Dagger
I’m thinking this for a smaller, sleek sports car, preferably mid-engined and a bit exotic, but not too much. Something like an Acura NSX. Blade-weapon names have some history in car naming, like Scimitar and Rapier and Cutlass. Why not dagger?
3. Basilisk
These are cool semi-mythical lizards, fast and a bit scary. I see this as a good name for either a four-door premium sports sedan, or maybe a performance-oriented crossover.
4. Polarity
This seems like a great name for an electric car. It’s just kind of a pretty word to hear, and would be good to whisper over dramatic shots of the car in a commercial set on a mountaintop. This is the name for your Tesla-killer, people.
5. Devia
This would be meant to suggest “deviant,” and would be the name for a cheap, entry-level car that wants to have a bit more of an edge to it, for young car buyers who think a Versa is just too boring and a Fiat 500 too cute. It’s a little bad, but in a fun way. A car to get into a bit of trouble in.
6. Business
A big, premium executive sedan, maybe with a wagon version. Imposing, lots of presence, that kind of thing.
7. Yurt
This would be an SUV targeted at people who actually take their SUVs camping or off-road. It’s an SUV designed to be easily slept in, even if it’s not formally a camping vehicle. Flexible interior, rugged. Think a modernised Honda Element.
8. Ally
Sure, we’ve had Alliances before, but never an Ally. The Ally would be a unashamedly useful minivan, a practical but appealing car that’s always got your back and is ready to help out.
9. Tauntaun
Yes, like in Star Wars. Why hasn’t anyone licensed the name of a movie property for a car yet? Seems like it could be a good idea. This would be a Jeep-like off-roader that’s especially good in snow, just like a tauntaun. Also like a tauntaun, they’re warm inside, only you don’t have to kill them, and they hopefully smell better.
10. Raven
Really, this could work for almost any kind of car. Ravens are smart birds, the name sounds good, and Game of Thrones has helped keep ravens in the public eye.
Have at it, automakers. You’re welcome.