An estimated 1,200 couples a year plan to have their weddings at a Disney theme park or spend their honeymoons there. Thanks to the upcoming Star Wars novel The Princess and the Scoundrel, we now know that Han Solo and General Leia Organa were among them.
In a decision that I have to assume netted the Disney marketing executive who thought of it a high six-figure bonus, Han and Leia will be spending their post-wedding vacation on the Halycon, a.k.a. the ludicrously expensive Star Wars LARP experience opening soon at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. Their vacation — which, surprise, turns out to be a bit more dangerous than expected — will be the subject of Beth Revis’ upcoming novel. Here’s the summary on StarWars.com:
“Set just after the events of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, the story begins on the forest moon of Endor, where Han proposes in the elation of the rebel victory against the Empire. After a ceremony at the site of the victory celebration at the end of the film, the newlyweds depart for a honeymoon aboard the Halcyon starcruiser, the luxury vessel at the heart of the new Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser experience at Disney World Resort. In their most desperate hour, with the war still raging but the Empire nearing its last gasp, the couple must outwit the Imperial remnants clinging to power.”
This is mind-boggling, even if you aren’t imagining Han and Leia taking the Millennium Falcon to Orlando. (Technically, it’s there.) The idea of Star Wars’ greatest power couple taking a ride on the Galactic Starcruiser to pretend to be in Star Wars is an ouroboros of madness. Will they participate in the lightsaber training class? Does Han have any desire to go to the “bridge operations training” and would he be any good at it or are his flight skills inapplicable to big-arse space hotels? Will he and Leia sit awkwardly in the bar as the Twi’lek diva Gaia sings at them from three feet away?
I kid, of course. They’ll probably just fight the empire and have a great deal of sex. The real question is, will Gaia — or someone else — sing the “Han Solo” song from the first time Han and Leia got married, back in the 1994 Expanded Universe novel The Courtship of Princess Leia? A song that, no one should ever forget, goes as follows:
He’s got his own planet,
Although it’s kind of wild.
Wookiees love him.
Women love him.
He’s got a winning smile!
Though he may seem cool and cocky,
He’s more sensitive than he seems,
Han Solo,
What a man! Solo.
He’s every princess’s dream!
The Princess and the Scoundrel will become available on August 16. Our congratulations to the happy couple, at least until their son grows up to become a murderer and they part in awkward misery.
Editor’s Note: Release dates within this article are based in the U.S., but will be updated with local Australian dates as soon as we know more.