Sorry, Ben, But You’re A Batman Forever Now

Sorry, Ben, But You’re A Batman Forever Now

The latest dire DC Extended Universe rumour making the rounds is that not only is Ben Affleck not directing the Batman movie, the man wants out of the role entirely. We have a message for him: Sorry, Ben. You’re stuck as Batman. So you might as well suck it up.

Sorry, it’s not a nightmare, you really agreed to be Batman in all these movies (Image: WB)

While it may be that you’re going to have to stick around for the solo movie before booking a one-way ticket to George Clooney’s Bad Batman Movie Rehab Centre, because WB has you in an iron-clad contract, that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is that, as unsatisfied as you may be right now, our collective memory will never disassociate Ben Affleck and the Dark Knight. You will always be, to some degree, Batman.

Why do you want to get out now? What’s so bad? If it’s remorse over taking on an iconic role you now realise you did not want the scrutiny for, I say: Too late, bro. Now, you’re going to get double-judged for agreeing to be Batman in the first place, and then freaking out and trying to pretend it didn’t happen. You can’t Val Kilmer your way out of this one. There’s been too much hype and publicity.

If the reason you want out is that WB and DC turned out to be a shitty place to work, to that I say: Dude, of course it is. Did you not watch Man of Steel? You had to have realised this before you said yes to Batman v Superman. Did Zack Snyder promise you this time it would be different, that he’d changed? That this time they got the story right and knew the characters? I’m sorry you fell for it, but we all did. Was Justice League just more of the same? Did your time on the Suicide Squad set/hell pit make you wonder if you’d even survive this?

Well, I’m sorry, but you are now the avatar for our DCEU frustration and you must suffer for Zack Snyder’s sins. Every Sadfleck meme and frustrated sigh you give is proof to us that we are not alone in wondering what the hell happened. So you can either suck it up and try your best or be forced to apologise in every interview from here to eternity.

Here’s your other problem: You’ve already redeemed yourself from a bad superhero movie, specifically Daredevil. If you walk away from this, you’d better have another Argo up your sleeve. But, like, a super-double-plus-good Argo.

Of course, as Ben Affleck, you are a billionaire with untold resources and if you wanted to run off and hide under a rock, you can. Free will exists. For now. But when you come out from under that rock, in rags and with a beard down to your knees, we’re all still going to ask you about Batman. You’re never going to escape from this. So what have you got to lose?

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