A few months ago, an Air France passenger reportedly found diarrhoea and blood under his seat and ended up having to clean it up himself. And since it was a full flight, there were no open seats to switch to. That’s absolutely disgusting, but somehow, it pales in comparison to the latest airplane diarrhoea story. Then again, you read the headline before you clicked on it, so if you start gagging while reading, that’s all on you. Because yes, a Delta flight had to turn around because of excessive diarrhoea.
WSBTV reports that Friday night, a Delta flight on its way to Barcelona turned around about two hours after takeoff. Because a passenger pooped so much that they couldn’t keep going. And they didn’t just clog one of the toilets. They didn’t just shart in their seat. They got it all over the place, presumably while trying to run from their seat to the closest toilet. We’re going to guess they did not make it.
Wait, that actually makes it sound like the plane pooper died, which we want to be clear, is not what we meant. Having that much diarrhoea is probably a sign that there’s something wrong with your health, and we hope they were taken in for treatment when the plane landed so they can recover from whatever it is that was wrong with them. But we have not seen any reports that they died.
Someone on what used to be Twitter got their hands on a recording of the call between the pilot and air traffic control, and in it, the pilot can be heard saying, “This is a biohazard issue.” They also added, “We’ve had a passenger who’s had diarrhoea all the way through the airplane, so they want us to come back to Atlanta.” Diarrhoea. All. The. Way. Through. The. Plane.
“Our teams worked as quickly and safely as possible to thoroughly clean the airplane and get our customers to their final destination,” Delta said in a statement. “We sincerely apologize to our customers for the delay and inconvenience to their travel plans.”
The real cherry on top of this shit sundae, though, is how long passengers had to wait to get back on the plane once they landed. Remember, they’d already been flying for about two hours when the diarrhoea incident occurred, so getting off took another two hours. Then, they reportedly had to wait another eight hours while Delta cleaned, sanitised, exorcised and otherwise cleansed the plane.