Self-driving cars, if you believe the prophecy that is The Jetsons, were meant to be here by now. Well, they are here, just not in a way that is anywhere near ready for average consumer adoption.
So, with the autonomous future we were promised getting further away by the day, we thought we’d make a wishlist for when the car that drives itself is finally here. Inspired, of course, by the fact I just watched Scary Car – a short from the unhinged folks at Eternal TV.
The premise of Scary Car is simple: Four friends just chilling in a car freak themselves out. So, before you give Scary Car a watch yourself on Pedestrian Television, allow me to give you four things I want in a car of the future.
1. A bar, complete with a fridge and ice-dispenser
While we’ve covered the legislative problem that is drinking and driving but in an autonomous car, I’d like to throw all of that out the window and ask carmakers to consider ridding the dash of buttons and instead using the same innovation that is the glovebox to make a pop-up bar. This bar would require a cooling space for beer/wine, naturally, but it would also need space for a few spirits, glassware, cocktail shakers – the possibilities are endless.
The large iPad-esque dash displays could also be put to good use as an “order and you shall receive” situation.
Likelihood 1/10
2. Swivel seats to make a drive an experience
Taking inspiration from this Kia ad, what if the car swapped out the boring fixed seats and instead came fitted with swivel seats? OK, the Kia EV9 has swivel seats but what if you could also pop up above the car through the sunroof and see the wide-open road? With the addition of a VR headset, because why not, the seats could also turn into a simulation experience, there could be a rollercoaster, Jurassic Park sim – the possibilities are endless. This would be the best trip to the grocery store, ever.
Likelihood 5/10
3. A day spa in a car (rhyming always makes an idea 10x better)
Many modern cars come with seat massaging (where the lumbar support grates against your back like you’re a block of cheese), but if I’m not driving, why don’t I get the full package? Massage my feet, do my hair, give me acupuncture (although you’d hope the autonomy is really f*cking good for this one). Make arms reach out of the dash and make my skin feel like a freshly banged-out floor mat.
Likelihood 4/10
4. Watch the fishes swim instead of shit Aussie bush
Teslas have a lot of goofy shit in their front ends, including a seat-specific fart button and Romance Mode (not a made-up feature, this is a real thing that Tesla expects its drivers to use). Why not just shift that second idea a bit, and give me some cute little fish in my car screen? While my car’s driving itself, I want the screen to show me all kinds of fish that swim on by. Actually, block out all the windows and give me a whole pod so I can be immersed in fish.
Likelihood 3/10
Of course, we don’t condone doing anything other than paying attention when you’re driving, but this sort of stuff is fun to think about.
Pedestrian Group, our parent company, is launching a 24/7 online channel on October 25 (on 9Now) called ‘Pedestrian Television’, where it’ll be hosting all kinds of shorts, like the one hyper-fixated about above, along with other TV shows and movies. It’s chaos-focused and I’m sure it’ll make me think about more unhinged lists to write about.
Catch Scary Car on PEDESTRIAN TELEVISION now.
Image: iStock