Next week is that special time of year when Samsung shows us the best of their non-folding phones. Based on previous years, there will be a vanilla Galaxy S24, an S24+ and an S24 Ultra, alongside some kind of watch. These will be the fastest Samsung Galaxy phones ever released, with the company’s best ever camera array. Judging by current trends, they will also boast deep AI integration that promises to make your life easier by predicting what you’re going to want to say in messages, or something.
There are lots of rumours flying around about what’s going to be in the phone (we’ve handily compiled them all for you here). But this story is not about what we know is going to be in these phones, or even necessarily what’s physically possible for a phone to do. This is a list of things that I want to see the Samsung Galaxy S24 phones and accessories do.
Storage
It would be great if these latest phones could have storage up to 2TB. It’s certainly a lot, but with game downloads getting bigger, and no universe in which my camera roll is going to get smaller, more storage would be great.
A Really Nice First Party Phone Case
I feel like Samsung doesn’t get enough credit for how nice the first-party phone cases are for the S and Z ranges. They’re both functional and aesthetically pleasing. So, I would like another really nice case.
Colours
Pastels are nice, but old school now. I would like something aggressively bright. Like a fuchsia, or neon green. Perhaps that orange colour that hurts your eyes a little if you look directly at it. It’s going to be a thin, sleek, smooth phone, a bright colour would help me find it when it slips between the couch cushions.
On the flipside, I would also like the blackest black to ever be on a phone. I’m talking Black 3.0 levels of black. It should be so black that the lack of light reflection makes you feel a little uncomfortable. I want Anish Kapoorto be embarrassed by how black this phone is.
Alternatively, a clear phone would be even better.
Five or More Years Of OS Updates
Samsung usually offers three years of Android updates, which is nice. But now that Apple offers five years and Google offers a whopping seven, Samsung needs to step it up a bit. Five I think is the minimum they should be offering this year.
Bigger Battery Without Making The Phone Bigger
Is this impossible to do on a meaningful scale? Yes. Do I want it anyway? Also yes.
AI Features
I have mixed feelings about AI, because it’s often used for very incompetent, bland evil these days. But if we’re going to infuse everything with AI, let’s make it great. I want a button in the camera app that will tell you what you did wrong in taking that photo. What should I be doing with my face to make it good? What are you even supposed to do with your hands when someone takes a photo? Why does the framing of this landscape suck? You press the “why does this look bad” button and it gives you a bite-sized chunk of knowledge about how to better frame that tree so the horizon shows a hopeful future full of learning, rather than just a tree and sky. It could give you a couple of quick tips on not squinting so much and how to make your arms look casual. I need this feature.
Headphones
A few years back, Samsung launched a pair of over ear headphones alongside the new phone range. It didn’t go well, and there’s been a focus on true wireless ever since. But those headphones actually had good bones, they just didn’t fit comfortably. I’d like to see Samsung and AKG go back to making another, better pair of over ear headphones instead of just true wireless.
Watch
The main thing I want to see every year (and will keep requesting until it goes away) is for the BMI and “body composition test” features to go away. They’re not good, and they’re holding the watch back from being a useful tool in people’s fitness journeys.
Best Bixby Ever
Poor Bixby is a much-maligned “smart” assistant, and I feel really bad for poor Bixby. It might be time for Samsung to either take Bixby out behind the back shed and put it out of its misery, replacing it with a new assistant, or suddenly just make Bixby incredible. I’m personally hoping for that second one. Bixby is a fun name, and I want to see Bixby dominate for once.
Bixby Learns How To Do Household Chores
As part of the Bixby improvements, I would like it to be able to briefly take on a corporeal form so it can make me breakfast and repot the plants. Maybe some light window cleaning.
If I drop the phone, I would like Bixby to deploy a little parachute.
This doesn’t seem like too much of an unreasonable ask.
A Coffee Machine
Yes, having a recessed S Pen is fun, but what about a recessed barista able to make you the finest espresso at the touch of a button?
The Samsung Galaxy S24 range will be announced on January 18, so soon we’ll find out if dreams really do come true